One of the short thank you’s to those whose existence itself change for the best.

Merry Christmas to you and your family! Wishing you all the best this holiday season and for a new year to come.
I actually want to say Thank You so much from the bottom of my heart. I know I don’t see you much, I don’t talk to you often, but who you are as welcoming as you are in life. I’m blessed to know you. If it weren’t for our chat when I last saw you, I don’t think I would have remembered what started 2017 for me and what I needed to learn for myself. Thank you for allowing me to remind myself the strengths I have to look at life beautifully and grow more from there on my own.

Happiness.

True happiness can’t be bought. No amount of travel, materialistic things, luxury or diamonds can make you happy. Having someone provides happiness but it is not to rely on. When you discover happiness without having any of the above mentioned. You found it. 

Self-esteem vs. Insecurity

As I was being updated by my friends I visited on my last trip. They gave me details how they weren’t happy with the low self-esteem issues of our friend’s new girlfriend.

Me: “I know how she feels, I was like that, she doesn’t love herself, she just needs to find ways to not be insecure so that she doesn’t take it out on him.”

Shar: “Exactly, but why were you insecure back then?”

Me: “Back then just 6 months after being in a new relationship (no longer ongoing). I saw my boyfriend’s ex girlfriend/fiance of 8 years name pop up on his phone. I couldn’t help it, so I checked it. The messaged said ‘We are making a big mistake, I love you and waiting patiently for you. Happy 9 year anniversary’. My boyfriend’s response “I love you” It didn’t help that months later they communicated and yet even went on a trip together.”

Shar: “That’s different, he lied to you that caused your insecurity.”

She had a point. She is right. But if I didn’t depend on the other person then I would have been a more confident person. I may have handled the 3 years that occurred after differently. Instead of fearing of losing someone, I ended up losing myself feeding onto insecurities and self-esteem issues.

Naked truth. 

Make her feel like a diamond not with material things, not with travel, not even intimacy. If you can do that without those tools. You’ve won her. Let her feel secured with no ring, no statuses, but security from your own true self. No secrets, no lies, honesty from the heart and soul. She will treat you like you won a lottery. 

Are you dating?

I went to the beach to chase last night’s sunset. While standing I heard my name called out, I turned and see a guy I used to date with his friends doing the chill sunset beer moments some groups do. I just literally saw him at the gym an hour ago and here I see him again. He waves calling me over to come by.

I walk over, offers me a beer but I decline. He asked why I was there. “I want to see the sunset tonight.” He goes “I always try to make it here every night if I’m free, it beautiful!” I agree.

He goes “So, are you dating anyone?”

Me: “What did you say again?” I heard it, but he already knows my terms of dating.

He goes “Are you dating anyone?”

Me: “I don’t know what that word you’re saying is.”

Him: “Oh yeah, that’s right, you don’t date.”

I’m not against love. But from what he knows as I told him earlier this year, I can’t date. Feelings occur, that I don’t know how to handle. And when I do go thru a relationship with a man, it hasn’t grown to be forever, it’s not it was a waste of time. An experience, but at the same I’ve learned the relationship with myself is best. People think love is loving someone else, but in honesty it’s loving yourself. And if someone else can come in and grow that love for yourself with them even more, they could be the one. I don’t date, because no one has made that spark happen. I did in my past did feel it twice, that it was real, but lack of communication has made that spark disappear teaching me it wasn’t mean to be.

Write out neglection

I’ve neglected blogging. Not on purpose. But with thoughts flooding my mind, that it takes some time to digest. My evernote has so many notes to remind myself where I am now.

It’s amazing how just a particular time in your life you can take a pause from everything and the answers you’ve been wondering of for years come all at once into understanding. You find out the difference from the positives and the negatives. You learn whether or not you were in love or not in love with someone. Or you find out you were in love with someone and wasn’t aware of it as well.

Life is life. Life is real. How we take it, is how we grow, how we move forward without falling down. Some bumps may occur, but know how to get up on your own. Live the life you love.