As I was being updated by my friends I visited on my last trip. They gave me details how they weren’t happy with the low self-esteem issues of our friend’s new girlfriend.

Me: “I know how she feels, I was like that, she doesn’t love herself, she just needs to find ways to not be insecure so that she doesn’t take it out on him.”

Shar: “Exactly, but why were you insecure back then?”

Me: “Back then just 6 months after being in a new relationship (no longer ongoing). I saw my boyfriend’s ex girlfriend/fiance of 8 years name pop up on his phone. I couldn’t help it, so I checked it. The messaged said ‘We are making a big mistake, I love you and waiting patiently for you. Happy 9 year anniversary’. My boyfriend’s response “I love you” It didn’t help that months later they communicated and yet even went on a trip together.”

Shar: “That’s different, he lied to you that caused your insecurity.”

She had a point. She is right. But if I didn’t depend on the other person then I would have been a more confident person. I may have handled the 3 years that occurred after differently. Instead of fearing of losing someone, I ended up losing myself feeding onto insecurities and self-esteem issues.