Questioning. Contentment

He goes “Do you see a possibility of having another or marriage down the road?”

I roll my eyes at him. “Why do you ask me these things?”.

The truth. I never looked at it anymore. Cause if I do, I’m hoping. And when you hope and it doesn’t happen, you get disappointed. Therefore, it’s just better to accept where it is right now. And make the best out of it. Being happy doesn’t mean being with someone, it’s creating what works for you.

Processing.

I didn’t realize I made no entry at all for 2018. Social media wise, I’ve been quiet. Socially, I have as well. The best year of my life was definitely 2017, as it ended a small challenge occurred overbearing the actual start of 2018. You have to give yourself time to process, digest, and understand. If not, we give ourselves not much to process but possibly react or create unnecessary emotions causing actions not needed.

Lately, I’ve wondered maybe I should look into podcasting instead of blogs. I kind of did one on a personal matter a few weeks ago, and I like how that brought out on me. Being too quiet can only happen for a short moment, nothing further or else it’ll create a silence as well not needed when yet you know your strengths to make it all the best.

Expectations

Standards. Nothing wrong in having that. However, the sad thing is when you place standards on others. Having expectations lead to disappointments. Some will hold onto it with anger and are unaware they try to take your dignity down with them. Others, look at all perspectives to grow and learn.

One of the short thank you’s to those whose existence itself change for the best.

Merry Christmas to you and your family! Wishing you all the best this holiday season and for a new year to come.
I actually want to say Thank You so much from the bottom of my heart. I know I don’t see you much, I don’t talk to you often, but who you are as welcoming as you are in life. I’m blessed to know you. If it weren’t for our chat when I last saw you, I don’t think I would have remembered what started 2017 for me and what I needed to learn for myself. Thank you for allowing me to remind myself the strengths I have to look at life beautifully and grow more from there on my own.

Happiness.

True happiness can’t be bought. No amount of travel, materialistic things, luxury or diamonds can make you happy. Having someone provides happiness but it is not to rely on. When you discover happiness without having any of the above mentioned. You found it. 

Self-esteem vs. Insecurity

As I was being updated by my friends I visited on my last trip. They gave me details how they weren’t happy with the low self-esteem issues of our friend’s new girlfriend.

Me: “I know how she feels, I was like that, she doesn’t love herself, she just needs to find ways to not be insecure so that she doesn’t take it out on him.”

Shar: “Exactly, but why were you insecure back then?”

Me: “Back then just 6 months after being in a new relationship (no longer ongoing). I saw my boyfriend’s ex girlfriend/fiance of 8 years name pop up on his phone. I couldn’t help it, so I checked it. The messaged said ‘We are making a big mistake, I love you and waiting patiently for you. Happy 9 year anniversary’. My boyfriend’s response “I love you” It didn’t help that months later they communicated and yet even went on a trip together.”

Shar: “That’s different, he lied to you that caused your insecurity.”

She had a point. She is right. But if I didn’t depend on the other person then I would have been a more confident person. I may have handled the 3 years that occurred after differently. Instead of fearing of losing someone, I ended up losing myself feeding onto insecurities and self-esteem issues.